Mrs. Binton

We have the air in front of our noses. We have the air in front of our noses. I tell Colin this, but Colin is not interested in this news. He is in bed, crying. On and off, on and off. Two in the morning. On and off, on and off. I am up now and not happy about this, though I do not let on.

"It's heavy, tonight," Colin says. "It's heavy."

"I know," I say. "It will get better."

I rub Colin's back and I stare at the ceiling. I think about work in the morning. There is a stack of papers on my desk and Cathy is leading the team meeting tomorrow at eight-thirty. This means it is my week for doughnut and bagel duty and the gas tank is empty because Colin never fills up the gas tank when he takes my car and now I don't know if I will ever fall asleep because I never can when I wake up like this, so late.

"I'm sorry," Colin says. "I'm sorry I'm bothering you."

"You're not bothering me," I say, lying. He is bothering me. I love him, but he is bothering me. "You're not bothering anything."

I rub Colin's back for a few more minutes and then I go to the bathroom. I sit on the toilet with the lights off. I pet my cat, Sophie, she is laying on my lap.

"You are a good girl," I say. "You are the softest, prettiest, cutest, girl and I love you more than I love the world."

I flush the toilet, but I remain seated. I wait for Colin to fall asleep. He does better when he is alone.

"Yes he does," I say to Sophie. She is still on my lap. "Daddy sleeps good when he sleeps by himself."

Sophie purrs and shifts on my lap. She purrs again and I rub her belly.